First and foremost – Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t mean to be rude nor egocentric nor do I want you to think that I am taking you for granted nor bargaining as a matter of fact. The truth is I am quite tired of doing the same thing, every year. 2008 sucked for the most part, 2009 only seemed to be my very own nightmare and eventually it has turned out to be even worse than that. So to the light of all the recent past events in my life that have been occurring I’d thought I’d take this symbolic turkey slaughter day, the very first day of holiday festivities to sit down and talk to you, or write to you, if better said.
Perhaps I’ll give you a little clue as to why today. Well, in the American culture today, the last Thursday of November, is honored as Thanksgiving day. As the name says, a day to give thanks. Many address their thanks to You because you are their God, others do it to another. IMO, I think you are the One I need to address, so here goes that attempt.
I sat down a couple of days a ago and thought to myself what in your name do I have to be grateful for? The usual came to mind- family, friends, health and well, life. OK. Those are pretty great things, very important things in my life and yes let me thank you, before I continue. Please don’t get me wrong because I AM thankful.
OK but aside from the usual thanks, the “every year thanks” are the things that everybody thank You for. Don’t you get tired of the same? Well this year I did. Perhaps your claim on not being the fairest guy out there is because I don’t go to Church everyday or any day as a matter of fact. But my faith is not in question, You and I know that. Just because we don’t talk everyday does it mean I think less of you nor should You or I think less of me. I am a more action oriented person and this is where I wanted to get to.
This year has sucked by disproportionate levels compared to any other, it has by far been the worst year I’ve lived in the 28 springs, summers, autumns and winters of my youth. Christmas sucked (take 2008 into this year since everything sucked since then), 2009’s first minute sucked, summer sucked, even my birthday sucked – and that was like WHOA FTW!! Why God Why?! Well you get my point right? 2009 has been the suckiest of them all, up until now.
Maybe you had been too good to me in the past and now I’ve been left in the curb. Maybe I did something wrong in 2008. Maybe someone hates my guts. Maybe you think I haven’t learned my lesson. Maybe I took advantage too many times and thought I was too witty to get caught? Who knows? Well, yeah you do, of course – so please enlighten me. I have no job because I cannot look for a job because I cant pass a pity test (see the chain here?). My family looks at me as though I were a incompetent looser, yes, all past achievements have gone unnoticed. I have no money because I have no job, my family is not helping in that department either. Yes, it has been quite a journey this past year to which words I dare emphasize once again – DUDE IT HAS SUCKED!
So given the facts I’ve laid over the table for you, this year I thought I’d do it different to every year. I am one that pleases everyone and anyone to avoid problems or hurt feelings. Today, a family day would be one in which I were supposed to be giving thanks with my family and eating a very juicy turkey. A very juicy turkey I am not eating today and thanks that I’m supposed to be saying, which i will not give in advance. Resent my family now has towards me because they are the show persons they are and do not understand this test is everything to me. Tears that I had to hold back 5minutes ago when my uncle called and had to tell him I had to stay behind because I had to study- to which he said “I really wanted to see you, but you do what you have to do”. Yes understanding he seemed, but like the the rest of the world, they don’t get it. No one gets it, not even I! So, sorry God, but this year will be different. Action oriented? Here goes nothing. The rest of the world they’re not getting me at this moment. I am a living natural freak. So no, I will not give thanks because I feel thankless, hopeless. I will not give thanks because you haven’t helped me when I’ve needing You. I will give you thanks when I have seen your hand through me and my only prayer has been answered.
I’ve been talking to you more lately than often because I have a test coming up. A test I wished I had past a year ago in December 2008 at a time to which I was prepared for it. I took it en summer again and nothing. This time will be the third. This is the test I mentioned before, the test that is holding me back from being a normal person, a person with a life. God, I am really tired of studying and living the life I am in. I am really tired of everything.
I think maybe you’ve been busy helping out the rest of the world, I get that. I know a test is not compared to hunger, shelter, poverty, or life and death. But then again you know the rest of my life depends on this. To me, THIS is important. And as the Omnipotent Being that you are, you are supposed to be there for me too and you are supposed to get that, you are supposed to get Me.
What can I say? Three times. Perhaps not that many times but enough. I need to move on, you know it has not been easy. I know you’ve seen it, I know you’ve been there. Please God, what is holding you back?
So today on Thanksgiving I will not thank you for the usual although I think already did at the beginning of this letter. But the life I have right now is not one I am thankful for. The Limbo I am in, I think I am a better person than that and I know I can give more than what I am giving to the world. I know I can help the world be better through your actions through my own. I AM A GOOD PERSON. So what’s holding you back?
This is how it works, I will thank you once you’ve helped me get through this sour patch in my life. I am trying to cope and seem coping, level with me, help me, I need You. I’ve set my friends, my family and my whole life aside to this one priority. OK well, maybe I spend too much time in the Internet, you are right. But understand I’m a bit frustrated too and this is my only let-out, so understand me here a little.
Really, don’t think of it as egocentric just think of it as the “fair thing”. You help me, I’ll thank You. That’s how it goes in the real world anyways, right? So yeah no thanks in advance this time. I won’t say thanks to something I am not getting. Action oriented, like I said before. Bargaining? Well I wouldn’t label it as that but go ahead. Its more rebellious than anything, but in a good way. I really need 2010 to be better, I’m sure many people have already said that to you. Like I said 2009 SUCKED BIG TIME.
OK well, i think I made my point. That’s it for now. Take care, be well and be good. Talk to you later. Thank you for understanding, looking forward to seeing some action from your part this year. Peace and… Amen?